Troublesome
by djghostwriter18
Summary: Naruto and friends sit and talk about what makes their wives troublesome. Pairings include: NaruTayu, ShikaTema, NejiTen, LeeSaku, ChoIno, KibaKarin, and ShinoHina.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

**Summary:** Naruto, Shikamaru, Choji, Neji, Kiba, and Lee explains what they did that made their wives troublesome. Naruto, Choji, Shikamaru, and Kiba are around twenty-one in this story. You can do the math from there for the others.

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><p><strong>Troublesome<br>**

The sun covered the area in a warm blanket; not too hot and not too cold. The wind blew gently causing everything it touched to just relax. And currently, sitting on top of a grassy hill where only one large tree stood, that is what these six men wanted to do, relax. Of course, they knew that they would have to return home _sometime_ and face the reason why they were all in such a sour mood…

Their wives…

Yes, these six men who were all feared on the battlefield were succumbed and defeated by the beauty and rage of their soul mates.

"Man this sucks…" Inuzuka Kiba said as he rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to get the kink out from having to sleep on the couch. "Why the hell does she have to be so pissed all the time?"

Nara Shikamaru just shrugged as he lay against the base of the tree.

"Women are troublesome."

This statement caused the other five to nod in consent. A few years ago they would have called the Nara a lazy bum who didn't stand up for himself. Now… Now they all just agreed on the same thing.

"So what did she do this time?" Akimichi Choji asked as he opened a bag of chips.

Kiba growled. "That crazy bitch threw a chair at me!" This caused one Uzumaki Naruto who was lying on a branch above Shikamaru, his back against the trunk of the tree, to laugh. "It's not funny either! Karin's fucking insane!"

"Why'd she do it?" Choji asked with his mouth full of chips. Kiba muttered something. "What?"

"I forgot our anniversary! Geez, she acts like she hasn't forgotten things!" Kiba shouted.

"Heh, that's something I'd expect Naruto to do." Shikamaru said, his eyes shooting up at the blond.

Naruto smirked. "As if Tayuya-chan would allow me to forget anything. The last time that happened, I had to sleep in the Hokage's Mansion for a _month_ before it was safe to return home."

"What's worse is that Akamaru, _my best friend_, chose _her_ side and was allowed to sleep in _my_ spot in the bed last night while I slept on the couch!" stated the angered Inuzuka. "Can you believe that?"

Naruto laughed once more. "Your dog is getting more action with your wife than you are! That's hilarious!"

Sitting Indian-style with his back completely straight, Hyuga Neji glanced at Naruto.

"Tell us, Naruto, why are you here today then if your life with Tayuya is better than Kiba's with Karin?"

"Uh… How about Lee goes first?" replied the future Hokage.

Rock Lee, who sat beside Neji in a similar fashion, nodded.

"Very well…" Lee stated as he began to recall his night. "It all began when Naruto defeated me in a spar-"

"Again." the blond piped in.

"Yes, for the fifth time." At this, Naruto smirked victoriously at the stunned Akimichi and Inuzuka. "As I was saying, on my way home, I thought about giving Sakura-chan a bouquet of flowers to show her my undying flames of love!" The others sweat-dropped at the sudden burst of energy which was followed by a quick downcast expression by the taijutsu master. "However… When I returned home… Her mother was there."

"Glad I don't deal with in-laws." Naruto said, barely loud enough for anyone to hear him. Despite themselves, both Kiba and Shikamaru nodded in agreement.

"Her mother insisted that I shaved my eyebrows and I said-"

"You did _not_ tell Haruno Momo _no_." Kiba interrupted, remembering his meeting with who he claimed the Pink-haired Devil.

"Hai, I did. But that was not the worse of it," stated Lee. "The flowers I got were red roses."

Kiba frowned. "What was wrong with that? I thought all girls liked roses?"

Shikamaru laughed a bit, closing his eyes.

"Roses are _Ino's_ favorite flower." laughed the lazy jonin.

"Hai, hai, I know that now." Lee said. "But… When her mother was leaving, she kissed Sakura-chan on the forehead, something Sakura complained about. And I responded…" The other five leaned forward, waiting to hear what had caused Sakura to go psycho on Lee. "That she had a large forehead of youth…"

At this, Naruto promptly fell out of the tree, laughing, missing Shikamaru by a few inches. Kiba was also rolling on the ground howling in laughter while Lee blushed in embarrassment. He did not intend to insult Sakura at all, but once her eyes became white with fury, all hopes in explaining himself were lost.

"I guess I should tell you my problems then." Neji said calmly while mentally laughing his ass off about Lee's predicament. Knowing Sakura, it would be a while before Lee looked her in the eye again. "Hanabi overheard one of me and Tenten's 'after-spar sessions' and confronted me with it. She asked me more specifically about masturbation."

Naruto gasped. "You told Hinata-chan's little sister about masturbation? Neji!"

"_I_ didn't. I told _Tenten_ to do so." Neji responded.

"You told a woman who holds more weapons in her back pocket than an entire hidden village to teach her best friend's little sister about masturbation?" Kiba said. "Boy Neji, for a genius, you're an idiot!"

"Yes, well," Neji replied, casting a glare at Kiba before closing his eyes. "The lesson was taught nonetheless. And while I thought that everything was alright…" The group noticed Neji shift a bit, bringing his legs closer to him. "She decided to give _me_ a sexual education lesson. One that requires a gag, handcuffs, several kunai, two staffs, and special seals she received from a certain blond that blocks sound and the Byakugan."

Naruto blinked. "I can see how the seals are my fault but…"

"What the hell did she do with all the other stuff?" Kiba asked.

"Let's just say that last night, Tenten showed me just how certain villages gain information from kunoichi." Neji said his eyes closed once more.

There was a silence that spread across the area, each man gaining an idea of what happened.

"Dude…" Kiba murmured.

Shikamaru shivered. "That must've been the worst experience ever."

"Hn…" Neji replied.

"That must have been the worst nighttime of youth…" Lee added.

Choji finished his bag before sighing.

"And I thought Ino-chan's diet was bad." Choji said.

"You're here for a diet?" Kiba said. "Karin threw a fucking chair at me and all you have is a diet?"

"Have you seen what Ino-chan calls a _meal_?" Choji replied. "Salad and a small steak. A _really_ small steak. Something that I eat for a snack."

"Dude, Ino's diet consists of a glass of water and a leaf of lettuce." Naruto said to Kiba as he recalled her meal from a mission that the two blonds took. Naruto then gave Choji and confused looked. "But why not go to your parents' place for dinner?"

"Because not everyone has the Hokage as their mother figure, Naruto." Neji explained.

"But with her si-" Shikamaru abruptly stopped Naruto by wrapping a shadow around Naruto's neck. "Shi… Ka… Maru… Can't breathe…"

Shikamaru released his grip before sighing. "Troublesome… Despite the _physical_ difference between the two women, Ino is _way_ scarier than Choji's mom."

"Oooohhhh…." Naruto said as he sat up in a position similar to Lee's and Neji's. "I guess you have a point there. So what was your problem Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru sighed as he reached into a pocket and pulled out a cigarette and his former sensei's lighter. While Asuma was alive and well, Kurenai had scared the poor man into quit smoking. Something about a genjutsu with Asuma's _male_ fans…

"That troublesome blonde began asking me questions about Shiho and I _muttered_ two words that will _never_ come out of my mouth around her again." Shikamaru exhaled a cloud of smoke before speaking. "Shut up."

There was a collective gasp among the men. None of them had dared to mutter such foul language around their wives for fear of decapitation, the removal of the tongue, castration, and in Naruto's case, death. It was amazing that the shadow-user was still alive and well.

"How'd you escape?" Choji asked.

Shikamaru eyed Choji. "I ran like hell."

Naruto nodded. "Good. Good. Now what are you going to do when you get home?"

"I've thought of three hundred different scenarios and all of them end in some sort of pain. I'm trying to figure out which one is less troublesome and painful." Shikamaru said.

"Hey, you think I could use one of those plans?" Kiba asked.

"Before that," Neji stated. "Naruto has seem to forgotten to tell us _his_ problems."

"Neji-kun is right." Lee said.

The jinchuriki sighed. "So when I returned home last night after kicking Lee's ass again," Neji spotted Lee drop his head in defeat. "I returned home believing that everything would be like normal. She'd fuss about not telling her I would stay out late, she'd hit me on the head, we'd have a silent dinner, and then wild and unadulterated make-up sex."

"Sounds more like Kiba's lifestyle." Neji remarked.

"What was that you pompous ass?" Kiba shouted.

"But," Naruto continued, causing all eyes on him. "It didn't go down like that. When I came home, the TV was off and she was not in the living room. I snuck to the kitchen in order to grab a bite to eat before she attempted to strangle me, but there she was. In the kitchen. Cooking and… And…"

"And…" Kiba, Choji, and Lee stated as they leaned in closer.

"_Humming_!" Naruto said. This made everyone react differently. Shikamaru choked a bit, having to take the cigarette out of his mouth, Choji dropped his second bag of chips, Kiba's jaw was nearly detached from his face, Neji's eyes widened to unbelievable proportions, and Lee nearly fainted. The sound of one Uzumaki Tayuya humming was the sign of the apocalypse.

"Dude… Your wife has finally lost it." Kiba said. "And I thought Karin was psycho."

Naruto shook his head. "It gets weirder. Not only was she cooking and humming, but she was cooking _ramen_."

"Get out…" the response had come from a completely stunned Hyuga Neji whose realistic beliefs would _never_ allow him to visualize such a tall tale.

Naruto nodded. "Yes. A special deluxe ramen that makes-"

"Can we skip the food?" Choji interrupted.

"Right. Sorry." the sage said before continuing with his story. "So after she fixed our plates, we ate while talking. And she actually said at least five sentences without one single curse word." By now, the other males were skeptical about Naruto's story. The fact that she had not strangled him for being late was weird enough, but the humming, cooking ramen, and not cursing was just unbelievable. "And so after dinner, we watched TV. We watched what _I_ wanted to watch without any fussing. And then when I went into the bedroom… That's when everything went completely bizarre."

"I knew it! She was just waiting for the right moment to clobber your sorry ass!" Kiba said.

"No. The room was completely clean… No clothes on the floor… The bed was neat…" Naruto said before beginning to tear up a bit. "But she burned my last orange jumpsuit!"

"Naruto, you are a jonin now. Don't you think you should give up on the orange?" Shikamaru asked.

"Give up smoking first you lazy bum!" snapped the jinchuriki before continuing with his story. "Anyway, so I went to take a shower before going to bed where after a few of my own 'after-spar sessions' with Tayuya, she said two words that has me sitting here today."

"What is it Naruto-kun?" Lee asked, practically buzzing with anticipation.

"She said: I'm pregnant."

The silence amongst them was cut in half as a hawk squawked from the distance before the other five men began laughing uncontrollably.

"You're so fucking screwed!" Kiba laughed as he rolled on the ground.

"He's screwed? His kid is screwed!" Shikamaru added.

Naruto frowned as his friends laughed. "Some help you guys are. I haven't even told baa-chan yet."

The laughter only grew as they knew what the Hokage would do to the younger blond if Tayuya told her first.

All in all, Naruto was a dead man once the Hokage was finished with him _and_ Tayuya's mood swings kicked in.

After the laughter stopped, the six men gave a collective sigh and glanced at the clouds.

"Why did we get put in this position?" Lee asked curiously.

"Because we passed up on every other girl that came our way." Shikamaru answered. "Sari, Shiho, Hinata, Amaru, Shion, Sasame, Kin, Tamaki-"

"Cat whore." Kiba muttered.

"And we ended up with the loudest, bossiest, angriest, craziest, troublesome women in the entire lands." Shikamaru finished.

"I think you forgot one." Naruto said. "Evil. Pure evil."

The other five nodded at the blond's statement. While each of their wives was beautiful and kind in their own way, they all had an evil side that was best left alone. The group stayed like this until a voice reached their ears.

"Found them!"

Six pairs of eyes immediately went wide, Shikamaru flinging his cigarette as hard as he could for fear that Temari would catch him smoking. Again.

"Kiba! Akamaru left hair all over the bed!"

"Come on Choji! Time for our afternoon jog!"

"Lee I wasn't finish with you, shannaro!"

"Oh Neji-kun! I think it's time for another lesson!"

"Oi, Shithead! I thought you were going to tell the hag about the baby!"

"SHIKAMARU!"

The six men glanced at one another before Neji sprung to his feet, Byakugan active.

"I won't be taken alive!" Neji proclaimed before dashing off at a mad pace, his legs in a blur.

"Tunneling Fang!" Kiba called, drilling into the ground.

"Gate of Life, kai!" Lee called before disappearing in a blur of speed.

"Human Bullet Tank!" Choji said before rolling off in a direction, not caring what or who got in his way.

"Summoning Jutsu!" Shikamaru said before summoning a stag. "I knew this would come in handy. Let's go Bosu!"

The deer, confused as to why Shikamaru was in such a frantic state, took off as if its life depending on it. If _anything_ got Shikamaru to actually use a Summoning Jutsu, it was probably something life threatening anyway.

Naruto gave the women a smile before mentally sending a message to one of his Shadow Clones at Mount Myoboku to ask Fukasaku to use the Reverse Summoning.

"Shit…" was all Tayuya got out before Naruto vanished. "Head…"

Tenten sighed. "So we're going to do it the hard way, eh ladies?"

"You're damn right!" Tayuya replied. "That little… Ugh!"

"Wait," Temari said, causing the other five women to stop and look at the Suna-born kunoichi. "They have to come home. We'll just wait."

"You'd better be right." Sakura said fixing her glove.

**XXX**

A month later, the same six men sat around the same tree, each having some form of bruise on them, including Naruto.

Shikamaru sighed. "Well guys, we tried."

"Yeah. And for what? Nothing." Kiba said. "If Akamaru wasn't such a traitor I'd…"

"Let's be honest Kiba, there's no way you could hide your chakra from Karin." Naruto said before Choji's stomach growled.

"I'm so hungry." whined the large Akimichi.

"I will never talk about Sakura-chan's forehead again." Lee said. "Her flames of youth are frightening."

"The things Tenten did to me…" Neji said before drawing his knees to his body.

The others felt bad for him, since no one has ever seen Neji show _fear_ let alone in the fetal position. Then again, even with a gag and seals, they could all hear Neji's girly screams throughout that fatal night.

"I wonder if Hinata puts Shino through this kind of trouble." Choji said.

Kiba snorted. "Yeah right. Her stuttering might have cleared, but she wouldn't raise a hand to harm a fly."

The six men all tensed and hopped onto their feet when they felt another chakra source, but relaxed as Shino came towards them. They were surprised when the bug-user sat down with a sigh.

"Hinata-chan tells me that this is where you all go when you are no longer to be around your wife for various reasons." Shino said. "I cannot be around her for the remainder of the day and am in need of company of my peers."

The other six men glanced at one another before Naruto voiced the unasked question amongst them.

"Since my wife is rubbing off of me, excuse the way this is worded," the sage said. "But just how in the hell did you manage to piss _Hyuga Hinata_ off?"

"I didn't. She's sprayed herself with bug repellent for a camping mission." This caused the other six to fall comically. "Troublesome right?"

"Yeah… Troublesome…" Shikamaru voiced.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Just a small one-shot that just popped up in my head. Review.


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